T-I-R-E-D. Today, I came home feeling soooo tired. Today. There was supposedly nothing extraordinary about this day. No, it's not my birthday, though, to me it seemed like it. It was my much-awaited comeback after my month-long absence. I waited for this day. Ordinary as it was for everyone else, TODAY was a red-letter day in my calendar.
But I least expected this day to end with such a sad note. I had every reason to smile about today. Thousands of them! But at the end of the day, I found myself slumped on my bed, feeling exhausted... I FELT... OLD. I would have cried if I wasn't too tired.
This morning, I remembered whispering a prayer. "Please sustain my strength for the whole day." I knew I wasn't strong enough. Not yet. It's only been a month. I knew that. I felt that. I guess, I wanted to believe that if I think it, I'd be it. STRONG. Guess again.
It's a phase. Yes. It's part of the whole recovery thing. I know. So why do I feel like crying? Because. Feeling weak is not my thing. It has never been. And now I feel it. And I hate it. WEAK.
My grace is sufficient for you... for my power is made perfect in weakness...
Tears wet my face. Those words have never been so real to me... until now. I imagined the Apostle Paul with his "thorn". It must have been a struggle for him. That thorn drew a line, a limit, to what he can do. I pictured an over zealous apostle ready to take the ministry of Christ to all places. But then there was the thorn. He would have given in to bouts of depression, if it weren't for God's abounding grace.
...I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me... For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So I am. WEAK. I cry, not of shame but of awe. In my eyes, I see my weakness as a flaw. In His, it's a spectacle of His power waiting to happen.
But I least expected this day to end with such a sad note. I had every reason to smile about today. Thousands of them! But at the end of the day, I found myself slumped on my bed, feeling exhausted... I FELT... OLD. I would have cried if I wasn't too tired.
This morning, I remembered whispering a prayer. "Please sustain my strength for the whole day." I knew I wasn't strong enough. Not yet. It's only been a month. I knew that. I felt that. I guess, I wanted to believe that if I think it, I'd be it. STRONG. Guess again.
It's a phase. Yes. It's part of the whole recovery thing. I know. So why do I feel like crying? Because. Feeling weak is not my thing. It has never been. And now I feel it. And I hate it. WEAK.
My grace is sufficient for you... for my power is made perfect in weakness...
Tears wet my face. Those words have never been so real to me... until now. I imagined the Apostle Paul with his "thorn". It must have been a struggle for him. That thorn drew a line, a limit, to what he can do. I pictured an over zealous apostle ready to take the ministry of Christ to all places. But then there was the thorn. He would have given in to bouts of depression, if it weren't for God's abounding grace.
...I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me... For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So I am. WEAK. I cry, not of shame but of awe. In my eyes, I see my weakness as a flaw. In His, it's a spectacle of His power waiting to happen.
~@~
And if you're wondering about the title... think of the commercial. ;p
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1 comment:
this is such an honest piece. thanks, ai, for sharing your feelings about weakness. ito pala ang sinasabi mo sa akin at the grad banquet. i have my own version! - ate joy
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