Saving My Right Ovary

Two letters... my "real time" moments with God...

Ai wrote on February 16, 2007...

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21

Last February 14, I was rushed to the ER for a severe pain in my lower right abdomen. I suffered almost two hours of twisting pain, but the doctors refused to give me pain reliever suspecting that I might have appendicitis. After some initial blood & urine tests, appendicitis was ruled out. I was finally administered pain reliever. The doctor initially advised me to have a Kidney/Urinary Bladder ultrasound, to know if I have UTI or kidney stones, that may be causing me pain. I went home that night and came midnight I again had the same pain attacks. The pain reliever prescribed to me gave temporary relief. The next day, I had my ultrasound. There were no kidney stones and my urinary bladder appeared normal. But they incidentally found a large cyst (almost as big as my bladder) somewhere near my right ovary.

Today, February 16, I came to see my ob-gynecologist/surgeon, and she strongly advised that I have it removed the soonest possible time. She said, that the reason why I experienced that severe pain is that the cyst may be twisting itself around the ovary. If we wait longer, the cyst may have twisted itself in such a way that my right ovary may "die", and they would have to remove it with the cyst. So tomorrow... February 17 at around 5pm... I will be going under the knife.

One of my disciples asked me if I was scared... I really haven't decided what to feel about everything.. It all happened suddenly... I'm still letting it sink in...

Of course, I am... scared... of the uncertainty of my situation... But for the most part... I am asking what is God teaching me through this? What do I need to learn about Him in this trying time?

But I have peace... I did not plan to be in this situation... but God has a purpose.. and His purpose always prevails. I am praying that my right ovary be saved. But if it is His will for me to lose it, I am just grateful that I still have one left. :)

Through the lens of this circumstance, God allowed me to see many things I need to be thankful for. I am thankful that I did not have this while we were in Singapore/Malaysia. I am perfectly convinced that God willed for me to attend Sonlife, when this could have happened even before our trip. God indeed has His perfect timing. I am thankful for the financial provision for my untimely operation. I am thankful for the presence of my family, especially my dad, who is scheduled to leave for work abroad in two-weeks' time. I am thankful for all the wonderful people who are backing me with prayers since I had my first pain attack.

I choose to rest in God's goodness and love... please pray with me... as I continue to experience His faithfulness in my life.

I'll talk to you soon... with good news about my recovery. Do remember me in your prayers...

Ai

~@~

Ai wrote on February 27, 2007...

"... You're blessed when you've been stripped of that which is most precious to you. Because only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you."
Matthew 5:3-5 (paraphrase)

It's been ten days since my operation (cystectomy in medical terms). February 17, 2007 at around 6 p.m., a 10cm x 7cm x 6cm cyst was surgically removed from my right ovary. Yes, it was just the cyst. The Lord allowed me to keep my right ovary. :)

It was my first major operation. I was trying to be strong... but I was scared... deep inside I was scared. On the day of my operation, I prayed to God to strengthen my faith... so that others' faith, especially that of my family, may be built up.

The first time I was found with that cyst, my initial reaction was, "Lord, will I ever bear children?" I'm not married and I'm far from being one. But, I guess it's everyone's dream to someday have kids of his own.. a family. Thoughts of dying came after. I am only 25 years old... and although I know I'll be spending eternity in heaven, I wasn't sure if I'm ready to leave this earthly life just yet... It seems tragedy brings into clear view what is most precious to us. I wanted to cry... but the skies shed the tears for me that day.

In spite of my quiet fear, I decided to go through the whole experience with expectant eyes, determined to see how God's hands would unravel His mighty work through my circumstance.

My first major operation experience was like a foretaste of me giving birth. According to my doctor, it was like I underwent CS (Caesarian Section), except I've given birth to a big, egg-like, cyst (according to my mom & older sister, who saw it, it even had hair follicles on it... maybe given a few more months it would have been a full-grown baby! ;p) I was even prepared for operation in the labor room of the hospital, me, being the only unpregnant woman inside. When I was discharged from the hospital three days after, I even got freebies! To my surprise it was a whole pack of baby care needs (complete with mommy guide book, baby wipes and all!) The nurse aide must have mistaken me as one of the new-mommy patients the hospital usually have. :) The hilarity of it all, my dad & I (in spite of the pain of my stitches), burst into laughter. I wondered if I can get away walking out of the hospital with an actual baby in my arms... haha! Well, that will have to wait. :)

I slept through the whole operation... the thing I feared most... passed me by almost unnoticed. The operation lasted an hour. I was in the recovery room longer than expected... almost six hours. I vaguely remember waking up with a nauseous feeling every now and then. Came 12:30 a.m., I was brought to my room, where my whole family awaits. I slept the whole night and woke up at 6 a.m., with fever and with a numb feeling on my lower body. My mom, who camped on my hospital room floor, woke up as soon as she sensed movement from my bed. Groggy from the anesthesia, I could barely talk. But I managed to ask in fragmented statements... How was... operation? My ovary... At the time, I was preparing myself to hear the sad news... but I heard otherwise. They successfully removed the cyst. Just the cyst. :) I smiled... as I held tightly to my mom's hand. And before I knew it, my two sisters and my dad awoke... greeting me with big smiles on their faces... there was no need for words. And I thought they all went home last night. From my bed, and with me unable to move just yet, I didn't see that they were all there. It was Sunday. :)

Contrary to what I thought, it was my recovery, not the operation, that was the biggest challenge to hurdle. I knew God was dealing with me... all the more asking me to wait... to trust... to endure...

The morning after my operation, I was with fever. I remember the nurses closely monitoring me, going in & out of my room every hour. I was dehydrated. Although I had IV (dextrose), it just wasn't enough. They were forcing me to drink lots of water, which at that time I was having difficulty doing. My fever wasn't getting any better.

I even had an accident that Sunday night. I've had a number of visitors that day. After the last batch left, I asked my mom to assist me to go to the toilet. Prior to that, I've made several trips to the comfort room that day without any difficulty. Just me & mom. I didn't want to use the bed pan... Maybe it was because of lying in bed for too long and suddenly getting up, I passed out for a few seconds and I awoke at the sound of my mom screaming for help. I opened my eyes, and had the slightest idea where I was and what happened. It came back to me slowly that I was in the hospital and realized that I was on the floor. Apparently I fell after passing out. My mom was unable to prevent me from falling because she was also holding my IV (which was in a bottle which fell and broke on the floor). I think at least five nurses came to my aid and assisted me back to my bed, while my mom was shaking in shock with what just happened. She immediately called Ate Jot (who was one of my last visitors, with Kuya Do & Jean) and asked them to come back and assist her. My dad, coming from home, came soon after. They were all asking if I felt any pain. I wasn't. Save for a small lump at the back of my head, a little scratch on my elbow, and some pieces of broken glasses on my hair, I was fine. God's protection was indeed with me. But just to be safe... the bedpan was my new bestfriend.

Sadly, my family & I decided to bar all visits the next morning for fear that I might get stressed. Besides, I needed my full rest, so I willingly agreed. I remember waking up that morning, thinking about my accident. I still had fever, which was not the greatest feeling. I could barely move, sit, stand, or even eat without anybody's assistance. I was starting to hate my IV because it was restraining the little movement that I could manage to do. I WAS TOTALLY HELPLESS. AND I HATED IT. But I really cannot do anything about it. But go to my Father in prayer. I prayed that morning. God reminded me that He's in control, not me. That I am weak, and He is strong. In humility, I asked God not to take away my suffering... but to give me strength to endure it. I had my full rest that day and was ready to be discharged the following day. My IV was removed. And my fever was gone. At the end of the day, I was going back and forth the toilet again. Goodbye bedpan. :)

Ten days after, I went to see my doctor for my post-operation check up and for my biospy results. Aside from learning that I gained three pounds over the past week, I am glad to share with you the good news that it was found to be a benign cyst. My wound is slowly healing although my doctor said that I would be needing one or two months more for my full recovery. Even then, it will leave a scar. And it will be a constant reminder of God's faithfulness in my life. Until then, I know I need to take things slowly... and this early I know that it will be a struggle on my part. But, I am determined to learn to walk again like a child learning his steps.

The past days have been opportune time for me to reflect. One day I asked Him: "What else do you want from me? Haven't I given enough? The past year You have taught me lessons on FAITH... what else do I still need to learn? What else do I still need to give?" ALL. Until I know that He's the only ONE most precious to me.... He will strip me of everything that I hold dear --- my family, my health, my dreams... Emptying me until I'm ready to take Him all in.

And I have felt My Father's embrace through your prayers. More than anything, I am thankful to know that I am blessed with a family, who is willing to suffer with me and give everything out of their great love for me, my heart swells with love for them. Also, I am blessed to know that I have a much bigger family who is praying for me and thinking of me. You have all touched my heart in unimaginable ways. The notes, the gifts, and the visits... they all made me feel loved. I could never thank you enough.

The Lord allowed me to keep my right ovary.... He is my God... and my "children" will fear Him and serve Him.... :)

Much Love,

Ai

Fresh (..err, Groggy?) from OR (... and I can't believe I'm actually posting this! Haha!)

While I was sleeping... (my family)

Me... with my "freebies!" :)